The Last Man Alive

"How would you know if you were the last man on earth? he said.
I don’t guess you would know it. You’d just be it.
It wouldn’t make any difference. When you die it’s the same as if everybody else did too.
I guess God would know it. Is that it?" (McCarthy 169-170)


I pose a question:

What if I was the last man alive?

I struggle to answer:

I don’t know what my faith would look like if I were the last man alive. So much of Christianity is based on community and relationship. There are individual aspects of Christianity, but there are also communal aspects of Christianity. Is a Christian life complete when only the individual disciplines are exercised? How do I live like Jesus when there is no one to express Christlike character towards? The mission of the Church is to make disciples of all people. How could I make disciples without people to disciple? The Church is made up of many members. I would be the only member left. Is that Church? Scripture tells us that where two or more are gathered God is in the midst of them. Would He still be there the same if He had only to be in the midst of one? The great commandment of the Church is to love God and love people. But there are no people. Is it possible to love God without any people to love? How can I exercise my faith? How can I feed Jesus when He’s hungry, clothe Him when He’s naked, and visit Him in prison without other people alive?

The Westminster Shorter Catechism says that, “Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.” Maybe I can do this alone. Maybe I don’t need people around me with whom I can exercise my faith, but I don’t know. Maybe I do. There would be struggle involved. How would I relate to God in a world that is all dead except me and Him, and He not even physically manifested or fully revealed to me yet until I die too?

These questions find no rest.




McCarthy, Cormac. The Road. New York: Vintage International, 2006. Print.

The Living Dead

“How do we treat the living dead?”
Most of us would probably laugh at this question because zombies are not real, but there are many people on earth who can be categorized as “the living dead.” They are the spiritually, and eternally dead. How do we treat them?

On pages 110-111 of The Road, the father and son find some people who are living dead men. Their fate is sealed. They will die soon, and no mercy awaits them. The cannibals who have them as prisoners will show no sympathy, but how do the father and son treat these “living dead?” The father’s natural instinct is to take his son and run as fast as they can. His and his son’s survival are his first priority. He sees these living dead and views their condition as a warning and he does not want to stick around long enough to even think about the depth of their pain.

Do we Christians do the same thing? Do we many times look at unsaved people – the living dead – and think that we just need to run away as fast as possible, or that we need not stick around long enough to see the depth of their need for God? We tend to be very earthly-minded. We worry about what people might think of us or about the sacrifices involved in spending time discipling a baby Christian and convince ourselves that they are too dangerous to be around and we should run away.

But shouldn’t the “living dead” be the people who stir up our deepest compassion? While we worry about our image or our time and want to do with it what we will. We may even be afraid of trying to help those in spiritual chains to break free. But as we focus on these earthly things, our God in heaven is looking at the soul of the people who live without him. He is looking with deep compassion at those who are destined to live eternity without him. Philippians 3:19 informs us that we should have our minds set on heavenly things. We should strive to set our minds on the things that God sets His mind on. When we do, we will no longer look at the “living dead” that live around us and run, but we will instead risk even our earthly lives for the sake of their heavenly ones.

iSin

My inspiration for this piece came from pg. 247-248 of Peace Like a River: “You can embark on new and steeper versions of your old sins, you know, and cry tears while doing it that are genuine as any.”


Why do I keep returning to my own vomit?
Why am I not repulsed by the growing stench of myself?
A creature stupid enough to wallow in my own feces.

Shouldn't I be more afraid of this thirst?
Shouldn't I be more afraid of this darkness?
Shouldn't I be more afraid of this avalanche?

Tears are ever-shackled to my face
So long as I refuse to submit to a cure .

Wrestling with God

Jeremiah does not like Mr. Andreeson, and he definitely does not want to accompany Mr. Andreeson in his search for Davy. For most people there seems to be a simple solution: do not assist Mr. Andreeson. But Jeremiah Land does not lead himself to do what seems right and best by conventional wisdom. He is a man guided through prayer. On pages 217-218 of Peace Like a River, Jeremiah “wrestles” with God in prayer through words and physicality over what he should do in regards to Mr. Andreeson. He raises his voice against God. This scene reminds me of the Biblical story of Jacob wrestling with God.

In Genesis 32:21-32, Jacob wrestles with God and receives a blessing from Him. It is interesting though what happens in verse 30 after the “wrestling match” is over: “So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, saying, ‘For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered.’” Jacob reveals in this statement that it is an extraordinary thing to have seen God and lived. It shows the level of fear that he had toward God, knowing that he is blessed even to be alive after what had occurred. Isaiah, in Isaiah 6, responds likewise with an attitude of fear at the presence of God, exclaiming that he should be dead in His presence. Similarly in Peace Like a River, Roxanna responds with an attitude much like Jacob and Isaiah. “At this Roxanna covered her mouth, for it occurred to her with Whom he wrestled. Having long ago accepted the fact of God, Roxanna had not conceived of going toe to toe with Him over any particular concern” (217-218). This is the type of response I would have. Who could possibly wrestle with the living God? Who would dare face the Creator of the Universe? Yet in the Biblical story of Jacob we see a man do it, and in this scene from Peace Like a River we see a man do it. The final question then that is raised in my mind is this: How must a man know God to be willing to wrestle with Him?


Enger, Leif. Peace Like A River. New York: Grove Press, 2001. Print.

Dogs Don't Go To Heaven

“How many times does a dog have to bite before you put him down?” (36). This was Davy’s question.

Two guys attempted to molest a girl he liked, they vandalized his front door, and they took his little sister from their home. What else would they have to do to before Davy’s father felt it was time to pursue some form of justice? Shouldn’t they do something to keep these guys away? How many more times would these two guys have to “bite” before they were put down? Why did Davy’s father not seem to be as upset by the situation as Davy? This situation reminds me of another man who had a similar question as Davy: Peter.

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’” (Matt. 18: 21)
Peter seemed to be thinking the same thing as Davy: “this person did something bad to me, why don’t we retaliate?” Davy’s father and Jesus both had great things to say about this though. First, Davy’s father makes the statement that they had already won despite the way everything appeared, showing the victory that we all have in Christ. Then, “Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” (Matt. 18:22). Jesus said not to retaliate or even to hold a grudge, but to love and forgive.

The thing that intrigues me most though is not directly found in the previous passage or in the father’s explanation. The thing that intrigues me is that these two bad men are not Christians, so is it ever ok to “put down these dogs if they bite enough.” Nate Saint and Jim Elliot were part of a famous 5-man mission team that died at the hands of a hostile Indian tribe in Ecuador they were trying to reach. They had guns, but they did not use them against the Indians even for self defense. They decided ahead of time that they would under no circumstances use their weapons against the Indians because the Indians were not prepared for heaven but the missionaries were. No matter how many times the dogs bite, they should not be put down because dogs don’t go to heaven.


Enger, Leif. Peace Like A River. New York: Grove Press, 2001. Print.

Oranges

In the poem “Oranges” by Gary Soto, the two oranges that the young boy begins the poem with have very rich symbolism. At every major point of his journey, the oranges add a strong degree of meaning. Before we look at the specific symbolic meaning of the oranges in this text though, we must first look at the general use of oranges as a symbol. The online Dictionary of Symbolism constructed by Allison Protas has this to say about oranges: “Like many fruits, the orange has become predominantly a symbol of fertility; if it is depicted in Paradise, it is the fruit of the Fall, occasionally replacing the apple as the Forbidden fruit. As a color, orange is most often linked to flame and fire, conveying their qualities. Orange can also mean luxury.” Some of this symbolism finds itself in Gary Soto’s poem. Although there is nothing related to fertility in this poem, it is about a relationship between a boy and a girl, which makes it suitable for this story. Probably most significant is the idea that “orange is most often linked to flame and fire, conveying their qualities,” because at the end of this poem, the young boy states that:

I peeled my orange
That was so bright against
The gray of December

That, from some distance,
Someone might have thought
I was making a fire in my hands. (1051)

There is also some symbolism in this poem that relies on the context of the poem to determine. The poem begins with the boy saying that he was “cold and weighted down with two oranges in my jacket” (1051). The oranges are symbolic of his feelings. All of us have experienced the nervousness of being with someone that we liked just as this twelve year old boy is experiencing it here. The second time the oranges provide rich symbolism is in the drugstore. His desire to impress the girl is expressed by his confident presentation of an orange to the cashier. When the cashier accepts the orange as payment from him, the orange instantly gains significant worth. It now symbolizes his success in impressing his girl. As they walk home and he begins peeling the remaining orange, it is no longer simply an orange but a symbol of determination, affection, and success.



Protas, Allison. Dictionary of Symbolism. n.p., n.d. Web. 21 March 2011.

Soto, Gary. “Oranges.” The Literary Experience. Ed. Beiderwell, Bruce and Jeffrey M. Wheeler. Boston: Thomson Wadsworth, 2008. 1051. Print.

Repaying Mother

The poem “Lanyard” speaks to every individual who has had a loving mother. It evokes memories in all of us of the ridiculous gifts we gave our moms that seemed to mean so much to them. It draws all of us in and invites us to look back to see the truth about our mothers’ love.

I remember when I was young how I used to admire so greatly the professional hallmark cards. To me they seemed like such a great gift for my mother’s birthday because they were far beyond the artistic beauty that I could have ever mustered. But my Dad told my siblings and I to make a card for our mother instead. I remember thinking at the time that my dad just did not want to spend the money, which may have been partially true, but the impact that the homemade card had on my mother was much more significant than hallmark could ever have created. It seemed as though all of the pain of child bearing, all the sacrifice for our comfort, and all the gifts she gave us were all worth that moment. All her love to us was returned in that one act of ours. It was as if the magnitude of all she had done for us was given back to her in the same measure, just as Matthew 4:24 says, “with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

This poem really just made me reflect on the love of a mother. With selflessness she toils and endures pain for her children. Her acts of love are innumerable. Yet because of the selfless nature of that love, she expects nothing in return. To her a score of 100-0 appears even. So when something is given in return, she feels as though she has received a gift and is blessed far more than the children she blesses. This also made me think of the selfless love of Christ. Because of the nature of his grace, nothing we can do for Him is sufficient to repay Him, but He doesn’t care – He just loves us.

The Kingdom Where Everybody Dies

“Childhood Is the Kingdom Where Nobody Dies” examines a child’s perspective of how childhood and death, or the lack of, are connected. Edna St. Vincent Millay writes of a child who experiences death and reacts to it. It can either be read to mean that in childhood death is not fully understood so it does not really exist in the mind of a child, or it can be understood to mean that once someone close to us dies, we leave childhood. I hold more strongly to the second notion, particularly because of the final stanza of the poem.

Your tea is cold now.
You drink it standing up,
And leave the house. (306)

The use of tea is significant. Earlier in the poem it speaks of “people who have died, who neither listen nor speak; Who do not drink their tea, though they have always said tea was such a comfort” (306). This poem was written at a time where the social setting placed high value on having tea together. It symbolized social inclusion among adults, and a dream symbolism dictionary states that “making or drinking tea, represents satisfaction and contentment in your life. You are taking your time with regards to some relationship or situation. Alternatively, the dream signifies tranquility, serenity, calmness, and respect” (DreamMoods.com). Because the dead can no longer drink their tea, the comfort that tea is supposed to bring is absent. Then the child’s tea is cold. The fact that the tea is cold also serves a significant purpose because the adjective cold “is said of the human body when deprived of its animal heat; esp. of a dead body, of death, the grave (mingling with b); hence sometimes = cold in death, dead” (Oxford English Dictionary). All of this comes together to symbolize the death of childhood in connection with the death of people close to us.

In the final line of this poem, the child “leaves the house” (306). The comfort of home and of childhood is gone. It is left behind as he steps out of the house into The Kingdom Where Everybody Dies.


“cold, adj.”. OED Online. November 2010. Oxford University Press. 23 February 2011. Web.

Millay, Edna St. Vincent. “Childhood Is the Kingdom Where Nobody Dies.” The Literary Experience. Ed. Beiderwell, Bruce and Jeffrey M. Wheeler. Boston: Thomson Wadsworth, 2008. 305. Print.

Dream Moods. Dream Moods, Inc. 2000. Web. 23 February 2011.

Death is but a Short Sleep

In John Donne’s poem “Death Be Not Proud,” a proper literary understanding of the word sleep is vital to the overall reading of this poem. The Oxford English Dictionary defines sleep in one entry as “The repose of death.” It is this definition that fits into this poem. The use of the word sleep in some ways alludes to death, but the word death is also used so they are used by the author as two distinct entities. Sleep is used to define death. The lines “From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,” and “One short sleep passed, we wake eternally,” both equate death to sleep (1031). Sleep is very docile and peaceful. It gives rest and recuperation. It creates unconsciousness and then we wake from it with renewed strength. This is the image that the author conjures in our minds about death as we read this poem. It brings us to a place where we do not fear death, but embrace it and look forward to it as we do to sleep.

This poem is an allegory that makes Death the central character. Without the use of allegory, this poem would have lost all of its impact because we would not be able to reconcile sleep and death together as well as the author did. It is because we view Death as a character that we are not only able to ascribe the qualities of sleep to “him,” but even replace the character Death with the character Sleep. Imagine if the author did not use the allusion of sleep? Would this story have had impact? I can hardly see how. It is precisely because the author compares death to sleep that we see death in a different light. It is because death is but the “One short sleep” that we face before eternity.


"sleep, n.". OED Online. November 2010. Oxford University Press. 9 February 2011 .

Donne, John. “Death Be Not Proud.” The Literary Experience. Ed. Beiderwell, Bruce and Jeffrey M. Wheeler. Boston: Thomson Wadsworth, 2008. 1031. Print.

Climb Back Through The Window

You hang by your hands
From the 13th floor window.
You seek to be free,
But death will not bring it.
You hear contradiction
In the screams and the whispers.
You cry at the loss
Of the beauty in life.
But,
You need not feel lonely at 4 a.m.
Feeling like dying without the end…

You are not alone.

Others hang
From their 13th floor windows.
Others seek to be free,
But death will not bring it.
Others hear contradiction
In the screams and the whispers.
Others cry at the loss
Of the beauty in life.
But,
Others need not feel lonely at 4 a.m.
Feeling like dying without and end…

Others are not alone.

Jesus hung
From your 13th floor window.
Jesus sets free-
His death is what brings it.
Jesus quiets contradiction
In the screams; He’s the whisper.
Jesus cries at the loss
Of the beauty in life.
But,
Jesus is with you at 4 a.m.
Making you living without an end…

You are not alone.

Jesus is waiting.
Climb back through the window.

The Accomplishment of Appearance

We live in America, and as such we are surrounded by an ideology – appearance is everything. Most of us have probably heard many times that we should not judge people by their appearance but instead should look past the way a person looks to view them in light of their character. Most of us have probably not only heard it but agree with it. Yet despite our own conviction in the matter we continue to do it because it is ingrained in us by our culture to judge by appearance. Benjamin Button was a recipient of this judgment because in a world that believes that appearance is everything, Benjamin Button was dealt a poor hand.

There were countless times in Benjamin Button’s life that he was cast out because of his appearance. When he had de-aged to a small child his appearance caused his son to treat him more like a child than a father. When he appeared to be a teenager he was treated as a teenager despite his honorary status of general in the military. There was one instance that I feel gives even greater insight into the mindset that “appearance is everything.”

How many times have we looked at someone and thought to ourselves, “That guy is too old to do that.” Benjamin Button knew exactly what it was like to be thought of that way. He had been alive for 18 years but his appearance told the registrar at Yale College that he was 50. His appearance meant more to the registrar than any words or evidence that Benjamin could have supplied and he told him to leave at the thought of a 50 year old freshman. What intrigues me is that the culture of that time period said that older people could not start a college education and by judging only Benjamin Button’s appearance, the registrar concluded that Benjamin was too old for college; but his decision was basically influenced completely by culture. We do exactly the same thing today. Our culture tells us that if people dress a certain way then they cannot belong to a certain group, if they look too old then they cannot be cool, and if they are not super thin then they are not beautiful; and we reinforce this cultural idea… even on this campus. But what if we obeyed Romans 12:2 and did not conform to the thinking patterns of this culture? The results might be opposite of those of Benjamin Button - a man who accomplished many great things: owning a top business, becoming a football star, becoming a general, and having a family; but in the eyes of the people around him nothing meant more than the “accomplishment” of his appearance. Is SEU culture destined to treat others the same as the world treated Benjamin Button?

The Virtue of Suffering

An excerpt from “Sonny’s Blues” –

“But there’s no way not to suffer – is there, Sonny?”

“I believe not,” he said and smiled, “but that’s never stopped anyone from trying.” … “No, there’s no way not to suffer. But you try all kinds of ways to keep from drowning in it, to keep on top of it, and to make it seem – well like you.”…

“But we just agreed,” I said, “that there’s no way not to suffer. Isn’t it better, then, just to – take it?”

“But nobody just takes it,” Sonny cried, “that’s what I’m telling you! Everybody tries not to. You’re just hung up on the way some people try – it’s not your way!” (Baldwin 404).

This passage struck me with a magnitude much greater than the rest of the text. It was the center of all my thoughts about this story. It puts into focus a connection shared among all of humanity: we all suffer. This was the starting point of a question that was developing in the back of my mind, but this question was not brought to surface until Mrs. DeBorde led our class into a discussion on the virtue of suffering. She brought to light our own ideas about suffering based on our social conditioning. In American culture, to avoid suffering, or even to pretend, is viewed as a virtue. To pretend that you do not suffer is to be strong. In some cultures, though, it may be that acknowledging suffering and battling through it is the greater virtue. The question that she helped direct my thoughts towards was this: How should Christians view the virtue of suffering? Romans 5:3-5 says, “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

In the excerpt from “Sonny’s Blues,” Sonny says “there’s no way not to suffer.” - agreed. But he also says that we all try to escape it, it is just a matter of how – it is here that I part with him. In developing my Christian ideas about the virtue of suffering I came to a conclusion: human nature, “our flesh,” may naturally move away from suffering, but it is not true that we always try to escape suffering. As Christians, as we walk in the Spirit, we do not try to escape suffering but embrace it with joy, knowing that our sufferings are earning for us an eternal reward.

The greatest virtue of suffering – to embrace it with joy.

Baldwin, James. “Sonny’s Blues.” The Literary Experience. Ed. Bruce Beiderwell and Jeffrey M. Wheeler. Boston, MA: Thomson Wadsworth, 2008. 384-410. Print.

The Measure of Greatness

“For he who is least among you all is the one who is great.” To be known and remembered: it sounds so wonderful. It appeals to me. I desire to leave behind a legacy. But I cannot help but to see that I am wrong in it. I seek to be remembered, yet in remembrance of me, Christ is forgotten. I seek to be known for something long after my soul has departed this earth, but as I strive for my own fame, I have come to know two things. As long as my goal in life is to be remembered for something great, I will never attain something great enough to be remembered for, and I will never be the man that God intends for me to be. No one whose name has been passed down through history wearing the garments of greatness has ever sought to do so, because to be focused on self takes away from the nature of greatness. It is those who focused on someone or something other than themselves that were carried through history by the tidal wave of fame. But many great men and women never were remembered for their greatness, yet I say they did leave behind a legacy, but their legacy was not their own. It is the legacy of a man they spent their lives making famous instead of themselves. Everyone these people met knew who they loved. Everyone knew that they found their greatest joy in making much of Jesus Christ. Will I be known the same?